The Wild World of Fanhood

In the sports world, you are only allowed to have to one favorite team per sport. You can only cheer for one team per sport, unless you are rooting for a team that beat your team in that sport. Also, it is preferred, but exceptions are grudgingly allowed, that your favorite teams in each sport be located in the same state/region (preferably state). Finally, it is mandatory to hate in a very extreme, almost comical way, the legendary/current rival(s) of your favorite teams, in their respective sports. If a hated rival is located in the same state as your favorite team in a different sport, then you have to forfeit one of the two teams, in one of the sports – and immediately adopt a new team with compatible rivalries.

Now, I can see why this is the standard operating procedure. Intense sports loyalties are, to be honest, very fun. Going to a game and being able to instantly relate with thousands of other people who are thinking the same things you are is an incredible experience. If you don’t like sports, pick one and get to it; it is something you will not find anywhere else. Trust me, I spent the first 18 years of my life hating sports (or at least remaining ignorant of them). Now I love them, and for good reason. And intense sports loyalties are more easily grounded, and observable, if a person only likes one team per sport. If you like more than one team in a particular state, the loyalty will be even more intense, and more recognizable (and appreciated, probably) by other loyalists. So the above rules make sense, initially.

But then I wonder about sports writers, broadcasters, analysts, and so on: these guys do what I wish I could get away with around my friends (without being ridiculed) – they watch everyone, love everyone, but still, somehow, against all odds, retain their intense loyalties. Why can I not get away with that?

Let us break it down. For whatever reasons, I am a loyal fan of the Dallas Cowboys, the Los Angeles Lakers, and the Arizona Diamondbacks.

I became a Dallas fan in 1996 (though I didn’t start following them consistently until a couple of years ago) during the Super Bowl when I was eight years old. The whole family had gathered to watch it (almost no one actually liked football; it was just an excuse to get together and eat homemade ice cream) and everyone in the room, including the children (me excluded) was cheering against the Dallas Cowboys, but not necessarily for the Pittsburgh Steelers. So, naturally, being a stupid kid who wanted to stand out, I started rooting heavily (as much as an eight year old can muster) for the ‘Boys, America’s Team. Thus was born my lifelong fanhood.

I became a Lakers fan because of one reason, which eventually led to thousands of other reasons: Kobe Bryant. I absolutely cannot get enough of this guy. I followed him a lot when I was younger, but never got into basketball. I was really fascinated, and still am, with his dominating mindset and his brain process that tells him he is always going to win. Now, that is an overly used phrase, but most times, it is misapplied; almost no one can match Kobe in this area, which is why it is aptly attributed to him. So, eventually, I fell in love with basketball, and now my school work suffers six months out of the year. People say I am a bandwagon fan, but I actually started following Lakers basketball during the two seasons they were awful, not too long ago. So, yeah, eat that, smelly pants.

And I became Diamondbacks fan because, well, I like the guys, what can I say. It would have been much easier to transfer into the Red Sox Nation because my dad was born and raised in Massachussetts and my brother has adopted his Sox loyalty, but I didn’t. I’m not really sure why; I just like the D-backs.

Now, with these loyalties I break all sorts of rules, all over the place. I’m surprised some committee hasn’t called me to testify on my own behalf before they blacklist me from nba.com forever or something. I mean, first, I live in Arizona. Both the Lakers and the Cowboys have rivalries here – the Lakers against the Suns who are in their division and the Cowboys against the Cardinals which is a huge game every year (mainly because there are as many Cowboys fans as Cardinals fans here). Also, the D-backs have division rivals in California, the home of the Lakers: the LOS ANGELES Dodgers and the San Franscisco Giants. So things are pretty much ugly on this front.

So how do we reconcile it? Well, honestly, we don’t. But I have to say that what drove my fanhood, initially, is not regional loyalty or some sense of patriotism for my city or something, but rather, my interest in players. I was driven to the Lakers by Kobe, I was partially driven to the D-backs because of Brandon Webb, and I was helped along, over the years, towards full-fledged Cowboys Fan status because of people like Troy Aikman, Michael Irvin, Terrell Owens, and Deon Sanders. And, while we’re at it, I have a billion players in every sport whom I take a great deal of interest in, and thus, I enjoy when their teams win (unless it’s against one of my Fav Five Minus Three). And so, my Celtic sports gear a little bit ago, while simultaneously holding a very strong loyalty to the Lakers, was seen as heresy. I liked Boston because I like Garnett and Allen. When I realized how big of a douche Garnett could be, my loyalty to the two players slipped, and the shirt and hat haven’t been seen in public in quite some time.

But that’s what should happen. Or, at the least, should be allowable. As long as I keep my original loyalties, and never waiver, what’s the big deal if I root for other teams (conflict-free, that is)? I wanted the Hawks, desperately, to beat the Celtics in the playoffs last year, and why? Because Josh Smith made me want to shit my pants every time I saw him play. And I wanted Phoenix to beat Dallas because the more I get to watch Amare and Steve Nash, the better I feel. But in the end, if the Lakers don’t win, I’m pissed (and I was; ask Keith – we didn’t talk basketball for three weeks).

So let’s not let intense fan loyalties blind us to the merits alternative forms of sports worshipping. They are all acceptable, and should be allowable publicly, and not just in private. (I know every guy on ESPN is like this. And what about coaches? Do they ever ditch their childhood loyalties, even if they coach for some other team? I’m sure they do.)

And some predictions, why not. Lakers win the championship if they stay healthy, and Kobe wins second MVP even if the team doesn't stay healthy. Diamondbacks due worse next season than they did this season because they failed to engineer a system in which they are able to keep all their good players. And the Cowboys are a mess, but I’ll give them a 70% chance of reaching the playoffs once Romo comes back, assuming they don’t lose three straight or something (which scares me).