FreeDarko Genius
So FreeDarko decided to do a one line prediction of EVERY game on the calendar for the NBA - every single game, every single night. Obviously, after game 4,000 he's going to shoot himself in the head, but for now I'm enjoying his predictions. Here are a few of my favorites.
Oct 29 Denver @ Utah. Anthony Carter laughs himself to sleep as he thinks about the fact that he is still a starting point guard in the NBA.
Nov 01 L.A. Lakers @ Denver. Reporter at post-game press conference liveblogs, “Phil Jackson looks totally high right now.”
Nov 05 Boston @ Oklahoma City. Instead of playing the Thunder, the Celtics just show up and sign autographs for the Thunder players and fans.
Nov 05 Portland @ Utah. The Jazz play terribly as a result of being hungover from their wild election night party involving russian strippers, PCP, and a lot of Guitar Hero.
Nov 07 Detroit @ New Jersey. Vince Carter passes it to himself for a reverse jam.
(For you, Philly brothers) Nov 11 Utah @ Philadelphia. Philly fans become bored with Elton Brand, long for the days of Allen Iverson + 11 nobodies.
Nov 15 New Jersey @ Atlanta. Josh Smith finally gets a triple-double in windmill dunks, blocks, and alley-oops.
Nov 19 Washington @ Atlanta. Joe Johnson forgets to take his downers, goes off for 64 points.
Nov 28 Golden State @ Cleveland. LeBron James decides before the game to begin the "Muslim phase" of his storied career.
Jan 04 Portland@L.A. Lakers: Greg Oden and Andrew Bynum break four backboards a piece, forcing the game to be decided by Rock Paper Scissors. After some mild dispute over the rules, Kobe beats Brandon Roy 2-1 with paper over rock. John Canzano writes a column questioning whether Roy has even been practicing his RPS form.
Jan 23 Milwaukee@Atlanta: Mario West takes his first free throw from four feet behind the line. The three-point line.
It's really odd. FreeDarko begins developing story lines amongst all of this, unintentionally at first. But madness appears to take over and things get a little out of hand. It's all very humorous, but only if you read them all, and he's not even done writing them yet. It's one of those things where at the beginning, there's no huge payoff, but the further you get, the better the payoff, the better the enjoyment and amusement. It's tough to get through at first, but you start rolling on the ground at how absurd it's all become, especially when you realize that a single man has been spending every waking hour writing these - he certainly must be incoherently babbling nonsense to his friends and family, and the deterioration in writing as the predictions continue gives me reason to think as much. This man could actually die if he continues. haha
Oct 29 Denver @ Utah. Anthony Carter laughs himself to sleep as he thinks about the fact that he is still a starting point guard in the NBA.
Nov 01 L.A. Lakers @ Denver. Reporter at post-game press conference liveblogs, “Phil Jackson looks totally high right now.”
Nov 05 Boston @ Oklahoma City. Instead of playing the Thunder, the Celtics just show up and sign autographs for the Thunder players and fans.
Nov 05 Portland @ Utah. The Jazz play terribly as a result of being hungover from their wild election night party involving russian strippers, PCP, and a lot of Guitar Hero.
Nov 07 Detroit @ New Jersey. Vince Carter passes it to himself for a reverse jam.
(For you, Philly brothers) Nov 11 Utah @ Philadelphia. Philly fans become bored with Elton Brand, long for the days of Allen Iverson + 11 nobodies.
Nov 15 New Jersey @ Atlanta. Josh Smith finally gets a triple-double in windmill dunks, blocks, and alley-oops.
Nov 19 Washington @ Atlanta. Joe Johnson forgets to take his downers, goes off for 64 points.
Nov 28 Golden State @ Cleveland. LeBron James decides before the game to begin the "Muslim phase" of his storied career.
Jan 04 Portland@L.A. Lakers: Greg Oden and Andrew Bynum break four backboards a piece, forcing the game to be decided by Rock Paper Scissors. After some mild dispute over the rules, Kobe beats Brandon Roy 2-1 with paper over rock. John Canzano writes a column questioning whether Roy has even been practicing his RPS form.
Jan 23 Milwaukee@Atlanta: Mario West takes his first free throw from four feet behind the line. The three-point line.
It's really odd. FreeDarko begins developing story lines amongst all of this, unintentionally at first. But madness appears to take over and things get a little out of hand. It's all very humorous, but only if you read them all, and he's not even done writing them yet. It's one of those things where at the beginning, there's no huge payoff, but the further you get, the better the payoff, the better the enjoyment and amusement. It's tough to get through at first, but you start rolling on the ground at how absurd it's all become, especially when you realize that a single man has been spending every waking hour writing these - he certainly must be incoherently babbling nonsense to his friends and family, and the deterioration in writing as the predictions continue gives me reason to think as much. This man could actually die if he continues. haha
5 erotic poetry prompts:
I cracked up to the Anthony Carter one last week when i first read it.
Haha, yeah. I can't put the shit down, though. It's like a story and I have to see where it ends, how it progresses. I honestly think his mind is deteriorating, though, because he started off with the intent to be mildly serious with some humor, but it's turned bizarro and now he's just writing things that pop into his dead. I'm concerned.
Nov 16 Detroit @ Phoenix. Robin Lopez frustrates Rasheed Wallace into a rare three-technical foul game.
Nov 16 San Antonio @ Sacramento. Kevin Martin looks at Manu Ginobili’s eyes and sees the future.
haha
Mar 01 Utah@Golden State: By this point, Golden State's got Stephen Jackson and Anthony Randolph in the backcourt, with Monta playing point-center and shot blockers Turiaf and Biedrins on the wings. That's the tactic; the strategy is to give opposing coaching staffs heart attacks in the film room.
Feb 02 L.A. Lakers @ New York - With the Watchmen premiere just over a month away, Kobe pretends he's Rorschach and starts acting out his favorite scenes around New York. He imagines MSG is Ozymandias's lair and scores 55 in the win.
And I think my new favorite:
Jan 06: Boston@Charlotte: In a fit of rage at MJ's lack of availability to "just talk," Larry Brown starts Adam Morrison at point guard and assistant coach LaSalle Thompson at the two. Charlotte wins 97-83. Despite the loss, Kevin Garnett can't stop laughing.
Mar 10 Dallas@Phoenix: For Nash, this is like running into two ex-girlfriends at the same time.
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