Some things I've overheard around campus lately

Well, first, these two education majors in one of my lit classes are talking about where they want to student teach and, apparently, it's quite popular nowadays to go overseas, particularly to places like Costa Rica, and teach there. From what I know of education majors (and there are significant disaporas in all of my lit classes) I'm afraid for the denizens of places like Costa Rica.

But that's not what's important. What's important is that the following bit of dialogue took place:

"Oh cool. What are the other two."

"Nicaragua and Chile."

"Awesome."

They both nod knowingly.

"Where is Nicaragua?"

"I don't know."

- childish laughter -

"I was thinking it was in Africa, but that must be wrong," She pauses. "Right?"

"Year, or well, I don't know."

I had to say something.

"It's south of Mexico."

"Oh, cool. Thanks."

"Yeah, great help."

Alright, so I don't much care that they didn't know that Nicaragua was south of Honduras and north of Costa Rica, but they should have at least known (1) it's NOT in Africa and (2) it's south of Mexico. Or, hell, South America would have been acceptable.

Here's the other thing I overheard, and, really, I hear this a lot. So many times around campus I hear the following sentence in almost the exact same form: "I like to read, I just don't have time for it."

Really? You don't have 30 mins a day? I mean, if you don't want to read, cool, fuck it, I don't give a shit. Really, I don't. But please don't say you like to read but don't have time. Unless you're a triple-job working single mother of three, I'm pretty sure you have 30 mins a day.

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Not Sure

I was going to write something deep for Philippi, again, but decided on fart jokes instead.

So, what you would call the definition of a surprise?

A fart with a lump in it.

Hahahahahahah!

So this teacher asks one of her students, "Johnny, can you use the word 'definitely' in a sentence, please?"

Johnny replies "Hmmm...Do farts have lumps in them?"

The teacher, taken aback, responds "Well, no, they don't."

"Well," Johnny begins, "I definitely have shit in my pants."

HahahahHAHAahahfhahahh!!!!11!!!1121!!!1112!12!!!

Why do farts stink? Well, God's an equal opportunity employer. It wouldn't be very nice to leave the deaf people out of all the fun.

BLAHAHAHAHAHAHAHHAH

And now, one of my favorite blonde jokes. Enjoy.

There's this new blonde school teacher, and she's starting her first day at a nearby elementary school. She's really excited and wants to make a great first impression on all the kids. So during recess, while the kids are playing soccer, she sees a boy standing away from everyone else, all by his lonesome. She hears duty calling and hops to it.

"Are you alright?" She asks sweetly.

The boy quickly and awkwardly assures her that everything is fine and so she went back to where she was standing. After a few minutes, though, she noticed that the boy was still standing apart from all the other boys; he hadn't joined the group. Well, it was time for a teacher to be a teacher. She approached him again.

"Are you sure you're not feeling left out or anything? Do you want me to be your friend?"

The boy was clearly struggling with something, and through the embarrasment of it all, he responded, "Maybe. Sure."

The teacher, emboldened, continued, "Alright! So, tell me, why are you standing here all alone?"

"Because," the boy starts, "I'm the goalie."

S:LDKFJS:DKLFEIOSN:IFNFK:LDJ!J!I@U(*@Y&*(#YUHKJDNFJFE*U*#FH

That's some classic joke-telling right there. You won't here Dane Cook deliver this much gold in a single evening, much less a five minute blog post. Comedy Central should give me a 30 minute special, like they do with all the other average to poor comics. Also, I'm a winner.

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Final Post from that Ridiculous History Class

I already posted something just before this class started, but then it began, and things started happening. I couldn't help but post a final blog, if only to include the following discussion that just took place.

So at the beginning of class, people (including the professor) started talking about changing the time of the final: instead of showing up at 7:30 am, we would show up at 8:00 or 8:15 or whatever. The "change talk" began because the prof decided that it would "totally uncool" if people came in late just because they didn't want to wake up early. And then it got stupid ludicrous.

First, people started calling out random times with passion and judicious authority, which meant they were whining and complaining and felt their opinion mattered. Then the prof said we should take a vote, at which point some girl, with all seriousness, said "Not everyone is here, so we can't take a fair vote."

Really? So, she was concerned with a truly egalitarian assessment rather than the fact that since everyone is not here today, which she alluded to with her statement, not everyone would know the time of the final was changed. I mean, honestly, she said that because not everyone is here, we can't take a fair vote, but she didn't think about that same "not everyone" knowing about the change we might make? Good Stephen Colbert, woman, you're in a PHILOSOPHY class.

Anyways, the professor started squinting and thinking really hard, and finally came up with "I just don't know guys. I just don't know if we can figure this out." Brilliant. And this guy wrote an incredible thesis for his doctorate on the interpretations of ancient philosophy and its relevance and importance in today's philosophical debate. No joke.

After another minute of this tomfoolery, we abandoned the cause, as a group, and moved on to the lesson he had planned for today. Now, we have a final Thursday, and he's teaching entirely new material Tuesday. That, more than anything else, sums up the absoludiculocity of this class.

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Funny and Hillary-tastic

A classic, a real gem.

At 1:22, I wet my pants.

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FreeDarko Genius

So FreeDarko decided to do a one line prediction of EVERY game on the calendar for the NBA - every single game, every single night. Obviously, after game 4,000 he's going to shoot himself in the head, but for now I'm enjoying his predictions. Here are a few of my favorites.

Oct 29 Denver @ Utah. Anthony Carter laughs himself to sleep as he thinks about the fact that he is still a starting point guard in the NBA.

Nov 01 L.A. Lakers @ Denver. Reporter at post-game press conference liveblogs, “Phil Jackson looks totally high right now.”

Nov 05 Boston @ Oklahoma City. Instead of playing the Thunder, the Celtics just show up and sign autographs for the Thunder players and fans.

Nov 05 Portland @ Utah. The Jazz play terribly as a result of being hungover from their wild election night party involving russian strippers, PCP, and a lot of Guitar Hero.

Nov 07 Detroit @ New Jersey. Vince Carter passes it to himself for a reverse jam.

(For you, Philly brothers) Nov 11 Utah @ Philadelphia. Philly fans become bored with Elton Brand, long for the days of Allen Iverson + 11 nobodies.

Nov 15 New Jersey @ Atlanta. Josh Smith finally gets a triple-double in windmill dunks, blocks, and alley-oops.

Nov 19 Washington @ Atlanta. Joe Johnson forgets to take his downers, goes off for 64 points.

Nov 28 Golden State @ Cleveland. LeBron James decides before the game to begin the "Muslim phase" of his storied career.

Jan 04 Portland@L.A. Lakers: Greg Oden and Andrew Bynum break four backboards a piece, forcing the game to be decided by Rock Paper Scissors. After some mild dispute over the rules, Kobe beats Brandon Roy 2-1 with paper over rock. John Canzano writes a column questioning whether Roy has even been practicing his RPS form.

Jan 23 Milwaukee@Atlanta: Mario West takes his first free throw from four feet behind the line. The three-point line.

It's really odd. FreeDarko begins developing story lines amongst all of this, unintentionally at first. But madness appears to take over and things get a little out of hand. It's all very humorous, but only if you read them all, and he's not even done writing them yet. It's one of those things where at the beginning, there's no huge payoff, but the further you get, the better the payoff, the better the enjoyment and amusement. It's tough to get through at first, but you start rolling on the ground at how absurd it's all become, especially when you realize that a single man has been spending every waking hour writing these - he certainly must be incoherently babbling nonsense to his friends and family, and the deterioration in writing as the predictions continue gives me reason to think as much. This man could actually die if he continues. haha

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Oh, and Some Men in Hats

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Oh Men in Hats, How You Pleasure Me

So I've rekindled my old love affair with that damn online comic Men in Hats. Our relationship was good...when it was good. But I just couldn't do it anymore, I just couldn't take the emotional strain of long, dark, sweaty nights - alone, together, in a park, maybe, or a motel room. Or maybe the guy stopped writing the comic, and there was nothing left to do but reread the old ones. Yeah, that seems more likely. In any case, here's a couple of my favorites.

Go here to read them all, or just ask me or Keith to let you borrow the book we may or may not have purchased containing all the comics, from Day 1...losers!



Like Aram, I also hate people.



I also steal from blind people. It's a good living, don't judge me.



If I ever become a politician (and God save the world if I do), this would be on t-shirts, mugs, bumper stickers, the sides of big trucks going down the street, and the stomachs of babies.



Bad people are coooool. Don't do drugs, kids.

So, apparently there's too many good ones to post them all here. Go read it. They're short, funny, and if you don't, I'll assume you like Sarah Palin. And remember, even JESUS hates Sarah Palin.

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